Tricia Dishes

Thursday, February 28, 2008

I've just gotta keep my trap shut!!!


So, the jaw thing.... I went on Web Md last night to see what their recommendations were for this jaw pain, known as TMJ, which is short for some long, unpronounceable name that I don't want to look up to see how to spell it correctly. Basically, I just have to keep my mouth shut!! Oh, and do NOT try to eat an apple with this, it'll kill ya!!! Rest and heat plus anti-inflammatories are the recommended treatment, so, I have been cooking my face, resting, taking my meds, and it does seem to be a little better today. I do have to go run some errands, so I know I will be holding my face before I get through with that! I look ridiculous holding my face, but it helps. In fact, the experts recommend holding your chin when you yawn, so as not to open your mouth very wide! When I first had this TMJ thingie, years ago, they told me to open my mouth wide so it could pop back into the right place. Well, apparently that is wrong information in 2008. And since I was trying to do that and it hurt severely bad, I have to say I like this idea better. The less pain I have, the happier I am, needless to say. I have some straws and some ingredients for smoothies. That may be my food for the next couple of days. When I think of the poor people who have broken jaws and have to have their jaws wired shut (Jeremy, Joe), it just gives me the SHIVERS to think how bad that has to be!!! One of the things on the website mentions that your teeth may not go together correctly? Yep. Mine don't "match" anymore. I hope that this will rectify itself, too. There's just always something, isn't there???
I went to the counselor yesterday. It was good to get back, although by the end of the session I had chomped the inside of my cheek and the side of my tongue numerous times. I go back next week. She said that it is not surprising that I have had such a hard time lately, that the fact that it is at the three month mark DOES just emphasize the fact that is a permanent situation. Take THAT, internist who said I should be "moving on"!! I know that I will swing from good days to bad for quite a while, I just need to try to deal with it. And I will have to, and I will survive.
My handicapable kitten is crawling all over the floor meowing. What's up with that, Teddie? I don't know what she is trying to say, so I think I will just plop her on her bed. Once she is there, she won't move for hours!
Well, everyone have a good day today. It is sunny, thank goodness, but that wind is still kind of cutting. I am so ready for springtime. Who isn't??
Later!

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Howdy


Well, I hope everyone is doing well. I am okay, except for my funky jaw! It really feels like it belongs on someone else's face! And that's not good!!! I went to a doctor today, one that does NOT deal with mouths, but she looked in mine and was concerned because of how much pain I am in, so she gave me an anti-inflammatory to take. I hope it works. I know that it is just TMJ, and there is really nothing that can be done about it, other than take stress out of my life, stop grinding my teeth at night, and stop clenching my jaw. Okay. Easier said than done, unfortunately. Physically, other than the jaw thing, I feel pretty decent. I have lost a couple of more pounds, which makes me feel better. Mentally, however, I am still not wonderful. My main problem is getting motivated. I really am having trouble getting out of bed everyday. I watched the old Hitchcock movie "The Birds" the other night, and the "older" woman in it, a widow for four years, says to Tippie Hedren that she dreams about her husband and then wakes up, ready to get up and fix his breakfast, then she gets up and then remembers that he's gone, and she doesn't have a reason to get out of bed. That's true. I dream about David and then I wake up and go, oh yeah, and just pull the cover up higher and higher. And sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and expect him to be in the bedroom and then it hits me, he isn't here, nor will he ever be again. My mother, who lost my father over thirteen years ago, says that she still wakes up and thinks he is in the bed next to her, and she will reach out. My mother in law still smells George's cigarettes sometimes. So, I'm kind of thinking that I am going to be having these feelings for quite a while, no matter what the doctor from last week thinks!!! Shoot, people miss a favorite dog for years, of COURSE you can miss your spouse as long!!!
But tomorrow I go to my counselor and that will be good. It has been a few weeks since I have seen her so I think that it will be quite helpful to me. Maybe it will even get me to unclench my jaw!!! I hope so, I am really tired of this!!
Well, that's it for now. The cat picture is how I feel with MY jaw. Hopefully, I do not look as scary!!!
Night!!!
Oh, no moving van yet. COME ON, YP'S, MOVE ALREADY!!!

Thursday, February 21, 2008

I'm better today


I had a doctor's appointment this morning. I knew he would be concerned because I "wasn't moving on", but I think that a little less than three months of mourning for a man that I was with for 34 years is appropriate, don't you??? I'm sorry, I will probably mourn for the rest of my life!! He asked me if I still had David's stuff around and I said yes, and he said that maybe I should start putting it away. Then he asked what my counselor said about it and I told him that she said not to do anything until I felt like it. He said, "oh". I know he means well, but.....
Then Christy came over this afternoon and what a great visit we had! Yes, we talked a lot about David. She and her husband were extremely saddened by David's passing, but were glad that they knew him. I am very proud of David, I always will be. She said that she felt that David was "around me", and that makes me feel better. I feel his presence, too, not always, but sometimes. I sincerely hope he is here, I really do still need him with me!!
But when she left this evening, I felt much better. I may even tackle the coffee shop tomorrow. We'll just see.
So, everyone have a great Friday. I hope that our rain goes away, it is getting quite old!
Oh, happy birthday to neighbor Bob and good luck to Marion on the surgery tomorrow! I will check on you!
Night!

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Middle of a blah week

Well, I seem to be recovering from my cold, but my emotions are extremely fragile, at the moment. I have sobbed more often than not, today, and it is really not any fun. This week has been weird - I have felt bad, then better, then had that weird jaw thing happen again (severe pain in jaw, feels like it belongs on someone else's face), luckily it is a lot better today, just stuff. It has been almost three months since David died, so I guess the finality of it is really hitting me hard. I miss him so terribly. And now I am crying again. I just need to talk to him, for him to tell me how to do some things around here, tell ME what to do!! I don't think I have ever felt so alone. And that is not being said to make you feel guilty, my kids, it is something that I have to work out myself. I hate cooking for myself, I hate waking up at night and realizing that I am alone in this house, except for the felines, the backyard is needing cutting already due to those little green weeds, that pile of wood is impossible to move to the street, I have to get information on that 401K, yet it is a voicemail nightmare to try to speak to someone. That kind of stuff. And it is very overwhelming. I did stack up David's pants to take to the rescue mission, yet it still sits in a basket, as does his wallet, glasses, and gaming badge. I miss him to talk to about silly stuff, and the other day a song came on that I didn't know who it was, and with it came the realization that I couldn't ask him who sings what anymore. I haven't been to the coffeeshop, I just don't feel that it is my "downtown living room" anymore, I am just a stranger. We had so much fun together, before and after the cancer. We were each other's best friend and now I feel "halved". I honestly do not see how I can live the rest of my life without him, but I guess I must.
So, that is how it is here. I need your prayers, because I am drowning. I'm sorry if anyone thinks this is too melodramatic, or I am just feeling sorry for myself, but no, that is not it. I started this blog to be a catharsis for my feelings and that's what came out today. Hopefully, tomorrow will be better. I hope so. I don't like feeling like this.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Woe is me.....


Well, it was bound to happen. I did get the Dreaded Mahocus. I have got a horrible cold, it hurts to talk, I am coughing, I cannot breathe - you know, just a bad cold. It is really the first time that I have been this sick since David has been gone and it just makes me so sad. He would make me grits and toast when I felt like this and bring them to me on the couch or in bed. I have cried a lot today, I miss him so very much. It is still just so surreal that he has been gone for almost eleven weeks!
So, I am just going to stay inside and try to get better. Luckily the yp's are still gone, so I am not worrying about putting that bark collar on the dog. I may stay in bed all morning tomorrow and that will probably make me feel tons better.
Have a great Sunday!

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Happy Valentine's Day!!!!



Update: The "Dreaded Mahocus" is in the house!! But, I just went outside to feed the dogs and there were people looking at the yp's house. So, can we all say "YAY"?

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Hot one minute, cold the next!


Well, Erica and I sunbathed a few minutes on Sunday morning with the lovely mid seventies temperature. Now it is so cold, there was ice all over the pet water this morning, AND it looks to be that cold again tonight! No WONDER everyone is sick! I, too, have a sore throat, but hope that I can keep the whole "dreaded mahocus" away from this house. After Erica left on Sunday evening, and y'all, it was 1 degree in Chicago that night, that's just wrong - anyway, after I got back home, I just sort of collapsed on the couch. But when I woke up Monday morning, it felt like I had someone else's jaw hooked to my head. Seriously. I had trouble opening my mouth, I had trouble talking! It hurt like crazy, needless to say. I hit the sack pretty early that night, took pain killers, and thank goodness, it was a lot better the next day. But, yesterday, all I felt like doing was sitting in the recliner, so that is what I did. I just really had some heartache, missing David, wanting to talk to him, ask him things. Today, I really could have done the same thing, but I had a dental appointment and physical therapy, plus I needed some pet food, so out I went, in the cold, with the aforementioned sore throat. I am glad I did. The physical therapy went very well, my teeth are okay, and I got supplies. Tomorrow I am to go do the pool physical therapy. It depends on my throat, though. And I have to take my nephew, Matthew, somewhere, so I will be out and about. I do need to get out regularly, because I really could just sit in that recliner and stare. I am so sad, at times. But I do cheer up, too, so I guess it will be up and down, for a while.
Oh, good news about the yp's. Apparently the female has resigned her position. Can we say "HALLELUJAH"? The year is looking better and better every minute! Now we just need that moving van to show back up!! THAT will get me out of the recliner!!!!!
So, tomorrow is Valentine's Day. Yeah, I'm really looking forward to it. But I do hope that all of you have a wonderful time with the one you love. Don't eat too much chocolate!!!
I am so cold my hands are white!! I am ready for spring, not summer, just spring! Before too long though, it will be so hot that I will be complaining about how miserable it is! That seems far off, though, doesn't it?
I am very hungry so I had better go eat! Have a great evening and Valentine's Day!! Share the love!!!!
OH, Happy Birthday to my kittens, Stimpy, Chloe, Bear, and Campbell! They are eleven years old today!!! Yay to the kitties!!!!

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Our trip to Starkville




These are a few pictures from our fun trip to Starkville, on Thursday, February 7. The dogs are Miller and Buddy. The baby is Delia. The parents are Melissa and Grady. The friend is Erica. And I was behind the scenes!! Great fun!!!

Friday, February 08, 2008

My birthday surprise.....




Okay, you saw the picture of me with my new driver's license. I am pretty happy with the picture on the license, AND the picture of me holding the driver's license. It was a good day. We had eaten lunch with Norma, but before we went, she had to bring me something to put in the refrigerator. It was HOMEMADE CHOCOLATE PUDDING!! She knows how much I love chocolate pudding and this had absolutely taste bud thrilling mind blowing orgasmic flavor!!! YUMMMMMMMMMMM!!!
After lunch, we went to my counseling session, but my counselor was running late so I left (I told them I was leaving! Don't worry!!) Then on to the DMV. After that groovy picture of me was taken holding my new legal plastic, off to the coffee shop, where we sat for a few minutes chatting, drinking coffee, you know, the usual. So, then we came back to the house.
There was a package in the mailbox, and, being my birthday, I was not surprised. But boy was I surprised when I saw who it was from. Are you ready? Are you sitting down? Oh, I guess you are. ANYWAY, it was from ------ GREGG ALLMAN AND HIS WIFE!!!!!! Stacey, his wife, wrote a note about how she had lost her uncle to cancer, how cancer doesn't kill love, and how she and Gregg were so glad to have met David, that he seemed like a wonderful man and that she knows he will be missed. Gregg wrote a little note, but, like most husbands, I'm sure that Stacey said, here Gregg, sign this, and he did. AND she sent a book!!! So, folks, I have to write a thank you note to Gregg Allman. Yep. Unbelievable! And even weirder, it came on Feb. 4. The carving had been done on Feb. 3, 1973. Had the third not been on a Sunday, I would have gotten it then. Does that just not prove that God's in his heaven and all's right with the world? There ARE NO COINCIDENCES!!!
Because of things like this, I KNOW that David Reid is with me always. He is the air that I breathe! I am feeling better, both physically and mentally EVERY DAY. That is what David would want for me to do, I have no doubt. Now, before you think, wow, she just is a cold uncaring woman, I want you to know that David is on my mind constantly. But I can think of him, even at the end, without bursting into tears. For example, this morning, I just lay in the bed thinking of that last week, remembering - remembering what I said, what he said, the final day. It makes me quite sad. But I didn't cry. I took a deep breath, got out of the bed, and have started my day. And the continual loop of his death has stopped playing in my brain, thank God. I am beginning to remember fun stuff, stuff BEFORE the cancer interrupted our lives. These are all GOOD things! Plus, I am actually having pain free moments, something that hasn't happened in I don't know how long!!
Having Jean here for these last few days was great. We talked, watched Project Runway, talked, ate, talked, watched Project Runway, talked, and then we even talked some more! And when I dropped her off at the airport yesterday, I picked Erica up and we went to Starkville to see Melissa and Delia. I had been hesitant about going to Starkville yesterday. It is hard to break out of the decades long habit of being home when David got home, and especially the last year and a half, of having to be with David to help him do things. But how freeing I felt, when I was in Melissa's backyard with their precious dog, Miller, and it was 4:30 on a Thursday afternoon!!! Y'all, I am feeling joy that I haven't felt in I cannot remember when!! Don't stop praying for me, though. I still need that! I do not know what I will do to bring in an income, but I am still a while away from deciding that. It is just still too soon. I feel that I will be led to do something, however, I just don't know the timetable.
So, here are some pictures of the card from the Allmans AND Norma and I at lunch. The pictures of Melissa and the baby will be up later. And here is a picture of the door of the coffee shop, with David's hat and the plaque. What a great man he was!!!
Have a wonderful Friday!!!! I love you all!!!!

Monday, February 04, 2008

Me and my new driver's license!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me,.....

So, today is my birthday! And what a birthday it will be! I probably will have to wait at the DMV for hours to get my license renewed, I still haven't gotten my new glasses, BUT THE GIANTS WON!!! YAY YAY YAY!!! AND, my friend Jean from Florida flew in Saturday night (and boy were her arms tired!), so we had good homemade chili and cake and ice cream last night!! And the game? It was GREAT!! Kind of heart stopping a couple of times, but Eli pulled it out!! We ran into the front yard and screamed and cheered and then ran back inside to my phone ringing where my mother in law was screaming and cheering! Then Linda called, screaming and cheering! And for those of you who wanted New England to win, well, understand that the Mannings are football royalty in Mississippi. I mean, every few minutes Archie and Eli are doing Bancorp South banking commercials. They are home grown!!! We love Peyton and Eli!
Also, yesterday was the birthday of my wonderful son in law, Fuzzy! Happy happy, Fuzzy! Also, it was the birthday of Suzanna in New Mexico, AND my physical therapist Susan H., too!! February birthdays are great!!!
Well, I gotta go. I just wanted to touch base about the last couple of days. Oh, yesterday, the phone rang, and it was an older man wanted to speak to David. Said he hadn't talked to David in a "coon's age" and wondered if he was anywhere around. Lawsy. You know I am going to get phone calls like that for years. He was sad, needless to say. He had been an old customer of David and my dad's when they sold two-way radios. Oh well, it was good to talk to the man anyway.
HAVE A GREAT DAY!!!! Okay, the picture function isn't working now. Again, imagine a cat doing something cute, say blowing out birthday candles, yeah, now you have it!! Later, dudes and dudesses!! I'm FINALLY twenty one years old!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!