Tricia Dishes

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Memo to anonymous

I am totally aware of how upset my mother is. That's the problem, it just rips me up inside that that is how my mother will be from now on. After the last four years, I am angry that I don't have her to "mother" me, now it is the other way around. And I am tired. So very tired. I have Norma to tend to, also, so imagine, long term, having to go visit all of the time, to women who are sick, by a woman who isn't too well herself! Like, right now, I want to go get some fried rice. My mouth is absolutely killing me and that is the only thing that appeals to me at the moment. But, if I go out, I should go visit one of the mothers and I just am not up to that right now. If that makes me bad, well, then so be it. I plan to visit both mothers tomorrow, but I HAD to get some stuff done today, such as eradicating the pee smell from my office. So far, it hasn't worked.
Anyway, I am well aware of dementia. My father had Alzheimer's and it was rough, rough, rough watching him go downhill. So, it is very hard seeing mom in this situation, and I don't have David to help me get through it like I did fourteen years ago. I am looking forward to my job to get me out of the house, and hopefully, with a fun job that will let me see people other than sick ones. And again, I mean nothing derogatory about that statement. I just need some sunlight in my life and so far, it hasn't happened. I get upset and my jaw spasms like crazy and the sore in my mouth has been there for at least five months. It will not go away, and that makes it hard to eat. I just can't pretend to feel "up" all the time
So, that is what I meant by that remark. PLEASE understand where I am coming from when I wrote it. Thank you.

1 Comments:

  • At Friday, September 19, 2008, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    as a former care giver i can understand how you feel. i lost my mom 8 years ago and while i was taking care of her i had a couple of illnesses that i wanted mothering. of course, i did not get it. you have a right to vent. you have lost so much already and you are losing more with norma and your mother. i am sorry that you have to go through all of this. you need a break.

     

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