Tricia Dishes

Saturday, March 22, 2008

I am still alive

Well, what a wild ride I have had for the last few weeks! This facial pain has been unbearable. AND I thought I was doing so much better but this evening it is really bad, I feel that someone has infiltrated my mouth and set little fires in it!!! How's THAT for imagery?? Anyway, I am taking a ton of medicine, some of which makes me very loopy. I kept asking my sister last night if I had paid for my food and where did we go? I don't think the doctor I am going to is the one I need. I keep having the spasms and with the pain, well, you do the math. I liked the guy that injected the Botox into my cheek and it is stable. I think if he did it to the other one, it may help. I will find out Monday. The insurance company is driving me crazy, however, sending me notices that I am no longer insured, even though I have sent them a lot of money!! Hopefully, that will eventually get ironed out.
But my face is a big concern because, I NEED A JOB! I feel that this is somewhat physological due to the fact that I am afraid to FACE the future, FACE my life without David, FACE the fact that I need to bring in an income, just all kinds of FACE things. I don't know. I just know that I am embarrassed by how it looks and in pain from how it feels.
So, that's it for now. Tomorrow is Easter. For the first time since the 1800's, it is falling on March 23. March 23 is David's birthday. All last year he assured me that he would be here to celebrate his birthday. Well, we know what has happened. I had a bad crying spell this afternoon, then went and changed litter boxes! So, I probably will have some problems tomorrow, and as I type this, my face is just spasming like crazy. I think my mental state has a lot to do with my physical state, so everyone, please pray for me. I so need it. I feel so afraid and alone, even though I know I have a lot of friends that are here for me. I still wake up in the middle of the night expecting to say something to David and lately, I have been basically hallucinating and talking to someone when I am in my bed at night. I am really screwed up and the pain in my face is unbearable. I just don't know what to do next, who to go to for help, what to do to get myself into a better frame of mind. If anyone has any ideas, I'm all for listening. I am getting a little desperate. Hell, I'm VERY desperate!! I need advice!
Thanks for being there for me, though, and for the prayers I've gotten. I love you all.


  • At Saturday, March 22, 2008, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I have the theme from "Welcome Back Kotter" stuck in my head. I cannot seem to come up with anything helpful or rational to say with that rolling around in my brain so I said a prayer for God to help you. Everything will be OK now. Next week you're getting out of the house for something other than doctor appointments. I mean it, even if you do have tourettes syndrome or hypophenofecalphobia...I'm sure it's nothing alcohol or coffee can't fix!

  • At Saturday, March 22, 2008, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I hope you don't think I am crazy, but I am going to suggest something that helped me when I had a mild case of TMJ - magnesium. I take one 500 milligram tablet nearly every day and when I don't I can tell after a few days. Whenever I notice any kind of twitches or leg cramps, I know I need magnesium. My daughter's doctor has asked her to start taking it also. Anyway, it is worth trying. . .there is a lot of research that shows magnesium deficiency is related to TMJ. I am hoping that it will help. . .and you are in my prayers. (I hope you don't think I am suggesting something simple for what sounds like horrible pain you are going through, but on the outside chance that it will help, I thought I would let you know how much it helps me.)

  • At Sunday, March 23, 2008, Blogger wagsandpurrs said…

    I had read something about magnesium and TMJ, too, but because of the pain, had just forgotten all about it! So, my quest today is to go get some!!! Thanks a lot!!!!!

  • At Monday, March 24, 2008, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    it has been my thought for a while that the jaw pain may be connected to the back pain. it seemed to me that the more they worked on your back, the more you started with the jaw pain. you told Mama your jaw popped when you did your leg exercises. Call you physical therapist..ask have tried the jaw docs, now try the other direction. when I went to the chiropractor, i saw the poster of how all this is is worth a try.

  • At Monday, March 24, 2008, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Can you try a chiropractor? I had jaw pain (similar to TMJ) and the chiropractor helped a lot. THey have a little device that pops it and I didn't have pain after that. You are in our prayers.

  • At Tuesday, March 25, 2008, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I'm so sorry to hear you're still having the jaw/face issues. It sounds absolutey awful and I know now more than ever you're missing David. He's there with you. I just wish the doctors knew what's going on with you. I'm thinking of you and I know you'll be getting better soon. Heck, I wouldn't be surprised if stress brought this on, ya know? Try to take it easy. I'll send you the Led Zeppelin lullaby CD soon!
    Rebecca Rine-Stone


Post a Comment

<< Home