Tricia Dishes

Thursday, December 13, 2007

I am so incredibly sad......


Well, it has now been a week since the funeral. And I have to say, the void left by David's death has just enveloped me with sadness. I miss him so much. And I just keep crying. I can't stop.
They (IGT) came to get the van today. That left a big empty space in the driveway. But the techs that came to get it are good friends, so that made it a little easier. They are very sad, too. Then Barry, David's first cousin and our life insurance agent came this afternoon to discuss financial things. Mind boggling, just mind boggling.
And then, Dr. Graham called, devastated that he had not been told of the recent events. The day after David died, I called the Cancer Clinic and they said they had sent an email to Jackson Oncology, but Dr. G said he never got it. He said he had been wondering how the radiation treatments were going this week and was planning to start David back on chemo after that. He was stunned when he was handed a report from Dr. Zachow saying that treatment was over because David had left us. He was so sorry he missed the funeral, he would have loved it, and told me that David wouldn't have lived near as long without me. Now, I admit, I pushed those supplements and other things on David and I do think that they did increase his time. But it was David's spirit that kept him going, even until the end. I asked Dr. G what was the longest time a patient with cancer as bad as David's has lived and he said 18 to 24 months. David lived 46 months, all the time with Stage 4 cancer!!!! He is an inspiration, I would hope, to other cancer patients, and Dr. Graham said that he admired him greatly, that he considered us friends. So, I am sending him a copy of Charlie's editorial tomorrow. I told him he would cry and he said he probably would. A good man, a very good man, Dr. Graham, just one of the many who supported us throughout this cancer odyssey.
I did NOT order a grave marker yesterday, though, as I had planned. Needless to say, I have been very upset, so I called the cemetery office and asked if I could come in this Friday. She said yes, and then I asked if the money had to be paid for the marker up front and she said yes, and then I asked what a ballpark figure would be for it. TWENTY SEVEN HUNDRED DOLLARS!!!!!! I gulped and told her that I didn't have that kind of money and that I couldn't pay it until the insurance money comes in. The plan is to go in the week of Christmas. David would be so appalled at the amount spent on his funeral! And now I understand why the little funeral home markers are still up several months after a burial. NO ONE HAS THE MONEY TO GET A MARKER!!!!
The death certificates came today, also. Merry Christmas.
Okay, that is all for now. I haven't slept over three or four hours in the last few days, so I think I am going to try ANOTHER sleeping pill tonight, just to see if I can be unconscious for a few hours. I cannot turn off my brain, my legs, hips, and back hurt so terribly bad, so I need some sleep.
Everyone have a great Friday. Oh, and I'm sneezing since it is cold now after being so hot yesterday. great just great. But in the next few days, we will start getting ready for Christmas. We will NOT let this be a horrible holiday season! David wouldn't stand for it!
So, happy shopping and baking and wrapping and singing carols and all of the other things that go along with a fun holiday!
Later.

3 Comments:

  • At Friday, December 14, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Tricia, my heart aches so much for you. I make it ok thru the day at work but when I get home, I just can't move. Don, having been thru this before, is so understanding.
    I know we will all survive as David wants us to but it is so very hard.
    I read Chris' blog yesterday and laughed out loud as I pictured the things he wrote about his Daddy. this is truly the way to remember him-always smiling and laughing!
    I love you
    susan

     
  • At Friday, December 14, 2007, Blogger Pam said…

    Tricia, I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking about you and praying that your heart, body and soul get some much needed rest this weekend..Wouldn't it be nice in those times we just didn't feel like we could "deal", we could just stop tape, and when we felt better, we could hit resume..Life's details..sometimes they'd be better with buttons..

     
  • At Saturday, December 15, 2007, Anonymous Sara and Fae said…

    Tricia,

    I am thinking of you daily and sending my positive energy to you. This season we can look at the warm glowing lights and remember David and how, even if you only had him in your life for a moment, his light shines. All of those twinkling lights and carols and holiday festivites are shining examples of how much love he has in his heart for you and your family, and every person he touched. Its going to be a wonderful christmas,knowing he is sending you his love.
    Sara

     

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